Unevenly Yoked – I’m A Christian, But My Husband Isn’t!

Ever since I met the man who has since become my husband, I’ve been concerned that he’s not Christian. One of the reasons I fell in love with Kurt is that, out of all the other guys who I’ve met, he was the only one who had accepted me for who I was. He respected my religious beliefs and has done nothing but ask me to respect him in his beliefs. He was the one person I knew I could talk to, and I felt like that it wasn’t just me who needed him, but he needed me too!

My parents were concerned, when I announced that Kurt and I were engaged, that he wasn’t even remotely religious. Of course, so was I, not so much for myself, but for Kurt. I knew who Jesus was to me, and I knew that I wanted him to be by my side not only in our marriage, but also by my side in knowing Jesus! The desire for that increased even more when I became Christian, just a few weeks before our wedding. At that point, as much as I wanted to question whether this marriage was right, and as many people as DID question me about it, I had already gotten an answer, through honestly praying to God, that this was indeed the right thing for me to do.

For a long time, I’ve been looking for ways to teach Kurt about what I believe without sounding preachy or being pushy. When I was at home for Christmas, I asked him to come to church with me the Sunday before Christmas, and while he refused, he was more than willing to allow his kids, Ashley and Vincent, to go with me. I was very glad of that!

A couple of weeks ago, I was in the CLC Bookstore at Ochanomizu Christian Center, and I came upon a book called Beloved Unbeliever, which talks about other women who have been in similar situations, being married to men who are not Christian. At the introduction to the book, it cited the following bible verse:

2 Corinthians 6:14 “Do not be unequally yoked with unbelievers. For what partnership has righteousness with lawlessness? Or what fellowship has light with darkness?”

The first chapter really hit home for me, and I finished the rather lengthy chapter by the end of my train ride home that night. One of the parts that impressed me was where one of the women explained how her marriage to a non-Christian man was on the verge of divorce because she was trying to pull her husband too hard, essentially “choking him with the yoke.” She obviously wanted what was best for him, but pushing too much was making her marriage miserable. She asked herself “What if God said ‘He’s never going to become Christian. What are you going to do about your marriage?’”

That hit me like a ton of bricks. I wasn’t pushing to hard right then, but I realized that I have a real potential of ruining my marriage if I try to force the subject on him. I have to continue doing what I’m doing, going to church and get stronger as a Christian, hopefully using my example to coax my family into the truth. Fortunately, the kids have a good head-start because they love going to church! I don’t know yet if it’s just because they love doing things with me, or whether they are really learning to love God, but all I can do is pray and hope for the best.

In speaking to my lifegroup leader, Toni, on the subject of what I should do about the situation, she has said to just keep loving him, encourage him to do things with the family at church, and show him through my example that I’ve really changed and am moving toward great things since becoming Christian. Recently, I was overjoyed that he agreed to at least go to a Saturday night church service while he and the kids are here in Japan for Christmas!

If any of you who are reading this blog are facing this same situation, where your husband or wife is not yet Christian, I encourage you to pray and ask God to give you the strength to see you through what may be the rockiest times in your life, and then just love, support, and encourage your spouse. God knows what is best for you, and whether your husband or wife will become Christian or not. Unfortunately, it’s not for you to decide; that decision is between God and your spouse. Your life will be blessed incredibly if he or she does eventually accept Jesus, but take strength in the fact that you yourself are guaranteed in the love of God. The thought that your partner may never become Christian can be painful, but things will work out for the best!